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And so it goes..
I woke up for church today. Thats something that has not happened in a long while. That kinda feeling was something i couldn't explain. The one who preached wasn't uncle beng seng today. Anyways was supposed to leave with mummy to her place for lunch and gathering but i stayed for the youth talk by pastor tim instead. So i went for lunch with aunty karen and pretty heads. There after we walked back to church. In my mind i couldnt find a reason why i choose to stay. But there i was planted to the chair. When he started to talk i realised almost everything he said seems to be coming at me. Then i started to pour unknowingly. Everyone else were just laughing and smiling but there i was tearing. We later gathered around in a circle and sang this song 'power of ur love' I started to cry out even louder. I felt like i was the only one doing that but i just couldn't hold back. Later they prayed for me. Then those ppl i disliked the most came around hugging me and giving me the warmth. From ppl i didnt know to ppl i didnt like, they came they prayed for me. One said i walked in trying to prove myself. But he said there was nothing to prove. Finally someone knew and understand how much i'm been trying to prove myself. The other one said i had a heart so soft and sweet almost like a marshmallow. One said i should let go of my past and keep going. Another one said i shouldn't have fear. I just couldn't stop crying. Everyone and everything they said hit directly on the bullseye. After i cooled it off i hugged someone i felt best with. And that was aunty karen. She held on to me for awhile and told me everything is gonna be alright soon. She told me things i so needed to hear. She was the one who understands it best. She knew how hard i was trying. Trying to prove to mummy and fighting for her love and a space wasnt easy at all. Fighting for her understanding and turning to her was even harder. At that point of time when she said those words to me i felt so loved. I always wanted mummy to be like that. I always felt mummy nvr understood me. I have so much more to say but i just don't feel like it anymore. I don't know if i have believed u dear G but pls be there to tell me u're there Toodles! Labels: can u come by now, im very tired and i need a shoulder to cry on so bad |
вяєη∂α σηg яι тzєє♥ lesson #1, dont ever judge a book by its cover. 
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