i'll keep fireflies in a jar.

School's been good!
Woke up at 7+ but went back to slp till 8.30.
Got ready then headed to school..
Same routine for now.
Walk to the minimart around school to buy water then school
Today there wasn't many dogs but we were all feeling shag.
As usual mummy karen would send me to the mrt station then i'll be on my way back.
At whitesands i saw Iris.
We talked along the way till she reached home.
Walked back and went to post letter before turning back for home again.

Why is it so hard to gain what i deserved from you?
But others simply don't have to do a thing and u would aknowledge them.
Its so hard to have to prove myself to u.
I don't know what to do anymore.
Nothing i do ever seems to please you.
Everything i do is wrong in ur eyes.
Do u have any idea how tired i am?
I'm trying my best to make everything better but u don't seem to care.
You never hear me cry.
You nvr bother bout how i feel.
Can't u see i'm different?
Can't u tell that i'm giving it my all?
Someone's doing nothing but u don't pin point that person whereas i'm struggling like some mad dog but when i come back i still get pin pointed..

Labels: Dear G pls hold me close and let ur love surround me

I woke up for church today.
Thats something that has not happened in a long while.
That kinda feeling was something i couldn't explain.
The one who preached wasn't uncle beng seng today.
Anyways was supposed to leave with mummy to her place for lunch and gathering but i stayed for the youth talk by pastor tim instead.
So i went for lunch with aunty karen and pretty heads.
There after we walked back to church.
In my mind i couldnt find a reason why i choose to stay.
But there i was planted to the chair.
When he started to talk i realised almost everything he said seems to be coming at me.
Then i started to pour unknowingly.
Everyone else were just laughing and smiling but there i was tearing.
We later gathered around in a circle and sang this song 'power of ur love'
I started to cry out even louder.
I felt like i was the only one doing that but i just couldn't hold back.
Later they prayed for me.
Then those ppl i disliked the most came around hugging me and giving me the warmth.
From ppl i didnt know to ppl i didnt like, they came they prayed for me.
One said i walked in trying to prove myself.
But he said there was nothing to prove.
Finally someone knew and understand how much i'm been trying to prove myself.
The other one said i had a heart so soft and sweet almost like a marshmallow.
One said i should let go of my past and keep going.
Another one said i shouldn't have fear.
I just couldn't stop crying.
Everyone and everything they said hit directly on the bullseye.
After i cooled it off i hugged someone i felt best with.
And that was aunty karen.
She held on to me for awhile and told me everything is gonna be alright soon.
She told me things i so needed to hear.
She was the one who understands it best.
She knew how hard i was trying.
Trying to prove to mummy and fighting for her love and a space wasnt easy at all.
Fighting for her understanding and turning to her was even harder.
At that point of time when she said those words to me i felt so loved.
I always wanted mummy to be like that.
I always felt mummy nvr understood me.
I have so much more to say but i just don't feel like it anymore.
I don't know if i have believed u dear G but pls be there to tell me u're there
Toodles!

Labels: can u come by now, im very tired and i need a shoulder to cry on so bad

Today school was great!
Bitching with aunty karen, aunty HK and aunty amy nvr fails to be fun!
As usual aunty amy is always the target.
Ppl ppl if u wanna groom ur pet come over to crowns centre at bukit timah.
Dunno how to come call me.(:
Dunno my number, ask me(:
Anyways mummy called me randomly telling me it was her chinese birthday.
And so i decided to buy her a cake from awfully chocolate.
I left with 10 bucks thinking i would at least have cash just in case..
In the end my mrt card gave me problem again.
The other time expired this time no money.
So i had to top up card with my last 10bucks.
Walked all the way back from white sands with the cake fearing the bloody sun would melt it.
Reached home, got supper digusted with someone and someone's attitude.
That totally sucked big time pls.
Might be going to CHURCH tomorrow.
Woah brenda just mentioned the word church.
Shit ass stefe didnt meet me in the end.
UPSET!
Told her alr but in the end she insisted i didnt say anything.
K waiting for mummy to return..
So bored..
Toodles

Labels: something somewhere made my day.

I did it again.
I pissed someone whom i felt close to.
Someone who i nvr wanted to lose.
Someone who will understand what i was and who i am.
Someone whom i treated as a elder brother.
I know i disrespected and hence deserved to be lectured.
I'm sry and im terribly sry for the things i said and done.
Pls forgive me!
If u're reading this pls pls pls forgive me.
I realised i was more childish then before.
I realised i didnt do things rationally and all..
I want this i want that but it has nvr strucked me of how i am gonna get it.
I'm working on my damn flaws.
It hurt me bad when it reached my face that i was no different from that bitch whom i hated the most..
I want alot of things but i am working for it.
I know i should not rely on people at all.
I'm still growing.
What he said strucked me.
I should not be so childish and i should learn how to be independent, i should not have no confidence in myself and i should learn how to stand up for myself.
Why is it that only when someone turn their back or flare up then will we really learn and understand what is going on?
I'm not gonna rush everything from now.
I'm gonna learn to take baby steps.
First im gonna complete this thing on my hand.
Then start to work and earn my allowance
Then build my confidence as i go along.
And for L if it comes den it comes if it doesnt then dun fcking think bout it.
Thats what im gonna screw into my head from today on!
For the last time, I'm SRY!

Dear G i donno when this childish part of me is gonna grow but pls be there to guide me as i go.
K is a elder brother to me i pray that u take his anger away and forgive me soon.
He's leaving for a holiday and i pray for a save journey back and forth for him.
J is like a sister close to my heart as well..
Dear G pls dun take the both of them away from me.
I really love them as my brother and sister.
In jesus name i pray, AMEN!

Labels: U're like a brother to me and i dun wanna lose it. not now and not in the near future

Lights on lights off ppl!

So sat sunday was so called off day!

I met stefe and jason two days in a roll.

So friday after school i went back to central to wait for that princess to arrive then bought food back.

Her long stories almost killed me.

So yea good luck babe.

Anyways went to meet jason in the night and lepak all the way till 11.

Same thing on sat.

School school school tmr.

Gonna meet my sexy mustards on monday!

Gonna bring baby to school on tuesday with me!

I miss my babyEERAH so bad!

I wanna meet her so bad!

But oh well she's busy.

Or should i say busier these days.

Ok go toodles!

Labels: i need a guy who'll be there with me

Its been so long.

I miss those days when i got people around with me.

Everyone seems to have grown apart these days.

I no longer have frens.

I love my girlfren, losing everyone one by one.

Everything's going haywire.

I no longer have the chemistry with anyone.

Soon i'll be the introvet and shy brenda everyone knows.

I'll fade away and die!

I need love.

I want love.

I don't like chinese guys!

I don't want chinese guys!

Fck it larh huh.

School's been great but everyday after school i wish someone would just stab me to death cos i have no where to go but home.

Boring shit!

I hate to have to squeeze with mofo's everyday.

I can hardly breathe..

I'm hoping i can deal with things soon!

Toodles.

Labels: i want to have love in my life again

Today i left the house at 9.30 and i still made it in time for school.
Perfect!
Train rides back is really killing me softly.
Today i found out that my ez-link expired alr..
Cb.
I had to buy single trips card.
There wasn't much going on in school so i got to go back earlier.
Didnt know it would be so packed at that kinda cranky time.
I thought the train would be about empty.
Stupid shit ass singaporeans.
They are really competitve balls!
They move so fast as if going to run after death.
So i slowly crawled to withdraw money and had the urge for my long lasting desire.
So i walked to the front after i withdraw money and immediately spend it.
Fck balls now i got no cash with me.
Well anyways no school tmr.
Hopefully i can go out and meet ZH and head down to ubi.
Fingers crossed!
Anyways my baby E is really retarded whenever it comes to frenship.
I get to trick her time and time again.
But this time i really admit i was kinda pissed but in the end i was alrite.
I can't be mad at her for too long.
Ok toodles

Labels: fingers crossed

Hello people i'm back after a long long time!
School's been great.
Laughter, peace and joy.
I love aunty karen,aunty amy and aunty hong kuan..
They rock my hot socks balls!
They were the ones who knew nothing but yet tok away my sorrow.
Today we laughed like some mad groomers.
Aunty amy is always the one we would be laughing at.
Someone came in sending her dog for grooming and it was a baby poodle.
She spelled poodle as puda.
Anyways i was supposed to meet someone today but it seems like that someone is oh so busy.
So gave it a miss.
All the best in life ya.
I shall not disturb u further.
Seems like u're too busy.
Carry on i don't blame u.
And oh ya i went to kel's place after school todae.
My tshirts are in!
Waves underwear.
And so i cabbed over to his place and the bloody driver damn retard.
Oh wells.
Got there, slacked with him for awhile then off i went.
It was my first time being so brave.
Carrying the heavy bag and walking all the way to lavender MRT.
Trained back then walked back from white sands.
Fck blisters.
Anyways Wednesday i gonna meet besty and head down to ubi wish me luck ppl.
School tmr.
Shifting again soon.
Hope everything goes well..
Okie doks.
Toodles!

Labels: Brenda loves school

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