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And so it goes..
I just got back from kel's place. I thought of staying over but jelly gotta go back and so do i. Mummy's back from work trip alr.. And anyways i cabbed back and wtpn paid for me first. she threw her atm card down. Lol.. Anyways i Dun wanna stay at home! I seem to like staying anywhere but home.. Thats bad but well... Anyways i dun love kel! I just think he is cute but other than that he is like a older brother to me! I found a new sister. Someone better and someone i can click with better. Ok in all i found a new brother and a new sister. Not gonna tell cos some people's gonna talk crap in my face. But all i can say is the people who became my brother and sister is so much better then the ones i have. I dun exactly hate them but i disagree with them thats all. I'm always left out in many things and left to figure for my own. Anyways i did something damn foolish on the 29/03/09.. But well i did it on my own so i dun really care. And in these four days i learned so many things. And my ear rings all dropped. Oh and to u stop being so fake.. Stop doing everything just for the benefit of urself. Stop being so selfish. Stop thinking u're that great when u're nothing. U're grossing me out. U left me with no choice but then think u're cheap. Anyways im tired so im outta here. Good day ppl Labels: i dun seem to like u very much either And so it goes.. I'm currently at Kel's house! Omg and its for the third day! Hello humans! The other day when i woke up after the chalet thingy, i went to the kitchen to keep the plates and all and i saw a goddamn lizzard and i shouted 'puki mak kau' at the lizard and ran to twinkle, sat down on the floor, hugged twinkle and cried.. After several mins, i stood up and wiped off my tears and laughed at myself.. After which i sat there watching tv and asked jelly to go out and eat with me.. We went to bugis for steamboat. She asked me to call brina but i didnt want to and guess what! Mins after eating, she came along with kel and frens. We had steamboat together and after which we had car rides. We sat at the back of the lorry and screamed around. Came back to kel's place and was supposed to go back the next day but it was too late. Was supposed to meet frens but then i wasnt back at home so i couldnt meet them. The next dae i was supposed to go back again but guess what i did? I slept and as a result i overslept. And there goes my day. Brina left for home first and there, we were left to sleep with no one disturbing. We woke up and it was alr about 12. We went out to buy food at about 3+ then came back. Slacked and we are not asleep yet.. Gonna go back later.. Had fun talking with kel and Jelly! Ok i gonna go down to get stuff.. toodles! Labels: i love them both And so it goes.. Hello dear humans! I'm currently at home like duh! I went to stefe's class chalet last night and we cycled there. We had many intervals cos i couldn't ride anymore.. Lol.. When we got there, we went to meet up with the guys then went to play pool.. After which the guys wanted to bowl so we stefe and i decided to go central to have our dinner. But in the end the guys called and we went back to meet them.. Went to changi and had ayam penyet and after that her fren who was driving went rounding cos the guys wanted to see trannys! There wasn't any so we went to changi beach to play at the playground. We left at about 12 and went rounding again.. Omfg her frens car was goddammit cool!!!!!! Normal cars can only hold 2 passengers at the front but his can hold 3! Her frens car ran out of patrol so we went to shell to fill it up then went back to the chalet.. The chalet was only like a roof above everyone's head cos there wasnt anyone there until alll the shops were closed. We stayed in to play games and whatnot. Cycled home and i couldn't take it no more so we had to walk like 90% of the time.. For the first time i blew my top at those who were starring.. Finally we reached stefe's place! I went up with her put the bike to rest and drank water before leaving. She went down with me but there wasn't any cab! And after a million years there finally was one! Got back home, showered and went to sleep. Slept till 8.30 in the evening.. God now i feel so alone and upset! Ok toodles! Labels: so many things to do but so little time And so it goes.. Omg WTPN woke me up at 5+, went to buy food home to cook and then had dinner at 9+.. Went down to get jelly then came back up and continue eating again.. Sacked around, played mahjong and then went to central to get stuff.. Jelly wanted to cook so we bought stuff for early breakfast! Fcking early.. We walked to central and when we came back, we realized that we forgot to buy spaghetti sauce so we had to walk back to central again.. We were too tired to walk back so we cabbed back instead. I feel like a fcking jerk now! Only when mummy's not around then i realize how important she is to me.. Just now after i showered, i came out and realized my tummy hurts.. Mummy would always care for me and put oil for me and pray for me. She would gimme money and insist that i see a doctor. Mummy i'm sry for being such an asshole. I dont know how i can make it without u in days to come. Everything coming so soon. Suddenly i feel the so many things to do but yet so little time again.. I'm feeling so down. I almost cried like some cry baby just now. ok go! Labels: I'm sry i may not be perfect And so it goes.. What the hell is fcking wrong with everyone.. Why is it so difficult to understand someone u have been with ur whole life? First u treat me really nice then u turn around and attack me again. Even before u leave singapore, u have to flare up at me for nothing before leaving? How cool is that? I offered help but u rejected me and shouted at me. Seems so drama.. The whole act was for u. Another person is nuts. She left 200 for emergency. U know u use money like tissue paper. So she gave me and the whole purpose is to give it to u slowly? U just don't understand anything that people is telling u and u think everyone is weird when its actually everyone thinks u're weird.. And now u're saying that she gave me more then she gave u? Fck urself and die pls! I dunno what and how else to describe u.. U're jus WEIRD! Omg i'm actually lost for words like finally.. I think its better that when she comes back I'm out of here! Everyone in this house is WEIRD! Better to get out before i turn into some weird and physco child.. I'm alr half way there so i better go before i really turn mad! Ok i dun wish to say more. Ending with a loud sigh! Labels: big fat sigh by brenda at 10.53 And so it goes.. Why dont u just tell me what u want from me or what u want me to do? Why is it that its so easy to say yet so hard to achieve? Why is it that when u all say, u all don't even know where i stand! Why don't u all see what's going on before saying. Its really painful to say i'm ok when i'm not. Its really painful to smile when i know everythings not gonna change. When i know its gonna be worse after talking. I really cannot take it anymore! Why don't u just kill me and then continue with everything after i'm gone? I'm done with this stress. Done with this pain. Done with all ur nonsense. I dare not step into this house. I hate u and u! why treat me so good only on my birthdae then turn to a total different person i dont even know the next day after my birthdae! Can't u tell that i'm tryna mend our gap? Why is it that nothing i do every seems to please u? Why is it that nothing i do makes u touched? Why is it that nothing i do ever seems to be right? Thanks for all the chaos u brought to my life. Thanks for all the tears u brought to my life. Thanks for rubbing salt on my wound. God u don't even care! U dont even bother how it goes. U don't even bother showing me the way. Why wont u just end this earlier. I am really tired i really am. I promise to be a better kid. Just take me with u. I wanna close my eyes and end it all here. I have nothing more to hold back. No one knows i can't hold on anymore. No one knows how i feel. No one knows how tired i am. No one ever hear me cries. No one ever bother to know what really is wrong. Everyone jus keeps telling me she is the best. But does anyone knows how she treats me when i'm trying? I'm alr trying my best to make both of us the happiest. But she wonu;dn't give me the chance to. Labels: Thank u for making me feel so useless And so it goes.. Omg yesterday Jelly texted me in a very super mean way but in the end she showed up with a cake at my doorstep! Thanks JELLY! And and and i thought the plans were all dead but in the end i felt like the happiest! Guess where i went! Meiting came over and we went to St James!!!!! Ok my first clubbing experience.. We left the house, then cabbed over to jelly's place, she went up to change and we went to eat. Cabbed over to St james and it was fun but everyone was like slaped together! After everything we walked out to take a cab and the best part i puked and kena the taxi door.. Went back to 443, ate and went to shop and save.. Bought lots of things and went to transfer the cab driver money.. And when we were walking back, it was raining.. Got back, showered and stayed up in the room crapping till 8 in the morning before falling asleep.. Ok go! Labels: i love u BJM And so it goes.. U were alwyas there when i'm at my lowest but where are u now? U are no where to be found! I feel like life is playing a prank on me. Things aren't going as planned.. Didnt u love clubbing alot. But why is it that on my birthdae u are doing this kinda things. I come to realise that i have no frens at all.. No one! Happy!! Its my birthday and only till todae did i finally realise that i'm not a person that people wanna hang out with.. I'm still the old me.. Although its better then the past, the old me still doesn't leave me.. Fighting back tears feels so horrible. I'm a big girl now and i cannot cry. Why don't anybody understand.. So what if i wanna go so what! No one wanna go.. And why and who am i to force people to go. She loves clubbing but she doesn't wanna go then wad am i to do? Thanks for being this way. I tried to understand but i just couldn't find the right way too. But as i search, i fially found out. Labels: Only on my birthdae then do i really understand And so it goes.. Hello humans! I went to meet her went to mummy's hotel to eat! Thank u mummy i love u lots! The people there are damn nice la! When i was happily talking away, the lady came up to me with a piece of cake with candle lighted up and there the beauty was singing me my birthday song. Anyways after that went to walk walk around then i bout a lip bulm. Went shop and save to get cigarette and bought kinder Joy! Then trained to bugis and walk walk around. Wanted to go mustafa but gave it a miss. Walked to bugis village but they were closing for the day alr. But we still managed to buy stuff! Walked to macs and slacked in there. Left and took a cab back. The cab driver damn scary he drove recklessly. Jam break 10oo times.. Anyways thank u very much to those who wished me happy birthday! Love u guys so much! Omg can anyone describe how excited i am for later.. So sleepy but can't seem to find sleep.. Slept for 5 hours the day before and now i can barely close my eyes even when my mind is shut. Omg i'm finally 18 but then i don't feel a bit excited about it.. Seems so boring. After this year i'm gonna age damn fast.. I wanna return to days when i just started to turn into a teenage. How i wish i can start all over again Thank u miss cute for accompanying me today! Big fat loves everyone! Labels: thank u everyone And so it goes.. hello humans! I woke up with thousands of people bombing my phone! Ok so i was supposed to meet up with pri school love but then i forgot bout it and had other plans so sry guys! We'll meet up real soon kaes.. I was supposed to meet her at 3 but then i only fell asleep at 10+ in the morning.. Woke up and it was alr 3! So we decided to meet at 5.30 later.. Gonna go down to mummy workplace! Her treat! I love mummyB alot! Ok bye! Labels: i love earthlings And so it goes.. I just woke up cos i came back only this morning and i was tired to the freaking max! I didn't wanna stay at home so i went to yishun to meet wtpn. Met up with rick first as wtpn was still busy in the shop. So after we met up with wtpn, we went to take a train. At first the plan was to go for dinner at orchard then go for a movie but in the end we went to bugis for steamboat. I wanted to drink so badly but due to all last minute plans we walked from bugis to marina 711. Rick went home from there then wtpn and i walked to esplanade. We sat there drinking till 2/3 plus in the morning before leaving for home. Stefe's coming over later! ok Go Labels: steamboat was just good And so it goes.. 
This is the cake mummy got for me.. Mummy's gonna get me another cake on my actual birthday.. Although it was a total dissapointment but i was still contented. Those whom i felt did not care turned out to be the ones who did. And those whom i thought were the best turns out to be just like the others that i hate. Auntie Audrey got me 180 fishballs, made curry, fried bee hoon and bought dumplings Anyways shermaine came over last night and she wanted to play mahjong but then jelly couldn't make it so shermaine, wtpn and i played. At 3 in the morning, wtpn went to sleep as she has to work on sunday. Shermaine and i played card games till 5+ and i slept at 6 in the morning. Another thing. I texted 2 people but none replied thanks eh.. And and and he Called me last night! Why the hell did u call. U had me thinking bout u and why u called. Fck now i miss u. Labels: im feeling all messed up like before And so it goes.. Bloody sucker have u ever thought about other people's feeling other then your own? I don't wanna say this but you're forcing me to.. No wonder no one likes u.. I wait cos u won't have to waste another trip on ur own. So u really think that everyone likes u? Come on.. Stop being so unreasonable.. Have u ever spared a thought bout how it makes urself look? Its my birthday cake and u can say don't care la.. Cos u havent eaten in a day u wanna take something that means alot to others? Have u ever thought of how u treat people when u need their help and when u don't need their help? Finally someone told u that u look awful in ur face! Take that!!! U're the worst one can find on this planet. The most unreasonable! Fuck u and ur Attitude! I hate this. Why is it that it always happens to me. When it comes to my big day, everyone is either out of town or busy. Everytime i wanna hold a party at granny's u people will always try to spoil it. Thanks alot. I will never forget how mother fcking selfish u guys can be. I will always remember how i ever spent my pathetic birthday. I will make sure all of u get back the same thing! Labels: dont think so highly of urself And so it goes.. So i woke up with a retarded dream that scared me. I woke up feeling my tummy cos i dreamt that i was pregnant. I felt another heartbeat in my tummy.. Anyways i'm still trying.. I don't plan things well enough.. Its too last minute and i really dunno what and how to spend my 18. Thought of booking a hotel room and party but at the same time i thought of clubbing. Really don't know how else. I think i gonna go exercise with wtpn later in the night.. Another thing, u talked to me on fb and then now i think u're really cute.. I asked mummy bout u.. And i thought of getting to know u better.. But well. not gonna dwell too much into it.. OK GO! Labels: brenda ur cheerful pills at 2.09fm And so it goes.. Alright this sucks a tank load. I haven't seen Jelly in years. I haven't got to see baby girl for a very long time too.. Stefe's having her exams.(Goodluck girl) Anyways last night was damn hot. I went jogging with wtpn.. Ok not really jogging but we walked to tamp then walked back than walked to the fitness corner. We did all our training there.. Omg and i even carried myself. How cool is that. But so many times i wanted to give up but she kept encouraging me. I wanna shed em lemak so i gotta work harder. After the training, we walked back to our usual spot and sat there talking bout life. It was nice as we haven't been these close since. Thanks for all these help and support! Ok go! Labels: it was fun. And so it goes.. Okay i know i blogged like hours ago but i gotta say this GUESS WHAT! I am so touched i swear! I wanted to bite on something and there were only peanuts to chew on so i told mummy i want them. Then she told me she mixed them together with some stupid nuts.. Then i threw a little temper and said then i don't want alr. Then i got back to watching family guy and the next thing i knew, she came up to me with a small plastic bag. Guess what? She picked out the peanuts from the others. GOD I SWEAR I FEEL LIKE CRYING NOW. HOW SWEET RIGHT. She was up in the kitchen and the next thing i knew, she got me nuts! God i think i can't get over it for a long time. And another thing. She told me she was gonna celebrate my birthday next week but when she told me it was with her church fren, i thought it was a major turn off.. But then she said the more the merrier. Well mummy if u're happy then its ok.. I know what to expect on that day anyways Ok go Labels: mummy i love u And so it goes.. Alright best so i woke up cos mummy called me and i can't go back to bed. Anyways i heard something damn hilarious. And i think i gotta start circling the newspapers for job again.. I really hope i dapat kejer with JELLY! So anyways stefe came over with her notebook that i called over sized DS. She studied, i watched family guy. Went out to central with her as she wanted to eat. Came back, she studied again and i watched family guy again. At bout 10, we packed up, went down to get beer and we played taiti. We did stupid stuff just cos we didnt wanna take the same lift with people. I lend her my mum's phone cos hers went bonkers. So after she left, usual routine, i called her, talked to her on the phone until she gets back home. I watched TV till 3. God knows how the show bores me out but i still watched them. Ok go! Labels: boring And so it goes.. I still haven't found a Job.. I think i have to do it on my own. I doubt jelly will be able to work with me anyways. I still havent got my god damn lime.. Anyways i wanted to sleep early so i drank cough mixture and was asleep by 11. I woke up an hour later cos of some disturbers. So i sat up in the living room watching family guy and then went back to sleep at 1. Stefe called and she'll be coming over soon! And i'm very hungry!... Anyways i dunno why but i got a feeling i lost my babygirl to some other losers. Well.. If she's happier that way then i'll leave it.. Ok go. Labels: pls be happy And so it goes.. Okay so i lost a good fren who will stay up with my through the night and crap with me.. Stay up with me to insist twinkle is smelly and assisting her to bathe twinkle. Well thanks to that Cranky WOMAN! So now i watch family guy and i love stewie!  And this is stewie! Alright so i really need a Job to curb staying home all day and slacking my life away. I need cold hard cash so i can save up and lose some weight at the same time.. I can even MO with those cash. I'm actually looking for telemarketing. Its so simple. I think once i got a stable job i wanna study too.. Anyways i finally got to talk to Stephanie.. Hey its nice catching up with u and no matter what happen, stand strong. There will be a brighter path ahead after the heavy rain.. I understand but he's a total jerk for leaving without a word. I miss OE so much right now. Ok go! Labels: cranky woman at 1.20fm And so it goes.. What's wrong with the ONG family? Why is it that i get so stressed up when i am at home? Why is it that every time she comes back my heart beats so fast i feel my heart in my mouth? Why is it that when he comes back my heart beats outta my brain? Why is it that everyone is acting so weird? Why is it that only when i'm having depression that i realise its cos of everything in this family thats going haywire.. Why is it that u said our house was going haywire but still everything is still the same? Why is it that the ong's nvr knew how to communicate with one another? Why is it that we always drift further then come nearer? Why is it that no one cares bout how i feel? Why is it that no matter how i try to hide and run its always still me getting to bear all the bullets? Why is it that there cannot be peace? Why is it that she's a christian but yet she's still like that? Then what's the fcking use of being one? Why is it that she wasn't like this last time and now she's worse then anyone and anything? Why is it that it only happens now? Why is it that she's the only one like that and not others? Why is it that everyone walks out on me when i'm not the one acting this way. Why is it that everyone is blaming me for what's going on? I'm gonna get a depression sooner or later. I'm gonna burst. U cannot take that kinda shit so do i. U made me hate coming home U made me hate home U made me hate being at home U made me hate everything. I don't mean to push blames but u made me hate everything. Its all u and ur god dammit fault. Why do u even think brina doesn't like staying at home, coming home and staying out late nites and only come home when u are asleep.. Have u ever asked urself why we hardly even sit down and talk? Have u ever asked urself why he doesn't come back early? Have u ever asked urself why when u're at home then i wanna go out? Have u ever asked urself how u treated me? THATS COS ALL U EVER DO WHEN U SEE US AT HOME IS SCREAM, SLAM THINGS AND NAG EVEN WHEN EVERYTHING IS DONE. Do u even know i miss how u love me I miss the way u were so nice to me.. I cannot even remember when was the last time u talked to me nicely. I'm turning to devil cos god nvr heard my cry. Cos he doesn't understand how i feel. Cos he nvr listens to any of my prayers. He nvr felt my hurt. Whenever i try talking to u, we'll end up screaming around I HATE THIS HOME! I TOO WANNA SHIFT AS MUCH AS HER BUT I HAVE TO THINK OF UR DAMN FEELINGS! WHO EVER THOUGHT OF MINE. Every time i come home, i sigh before i open the door to a broken family inside. There's no warmth at home. The atmosphere is damn cold. This home has only screams one can hear. No laughter, no smiles, no nothing u can find in a normal family. All u ever hear is screams, nags, and loud bangs! If this is what one calls home then i nvr wanna learn bout it. Labels: im crying cos it hurts when everyone walks out and let me die alone. And so it goes.. Okay so i slept at 4 in the morning cos i was on the phone with my lovely princess! I woke up at 2 cos winnie the pooh nanny got the singtel ppl to come fix the internet modem and everything. So i waited for him to get everything done and now imma happy kid.. Cos i fixed my sister's mac book.. I helped her connect the wireless!! Anyways one down.. I gotta be at home on thursday for the heater man this time! Oh ya eerah baby, good luck to where u're working! Seriously its from my heart.. And i swear im not tryna be sarcastic! Anyways Jelly was supposed to come but then in the end she woke up late.. But then again she might be coming.. Mummy was being cranky but then after he talked to her, she was alrite! Anyways my 18 BIRTHDAY IS COMING!! I really dunno how to spend it.. OK GO! Labels: brenda ur confused pill at 16.16fm And so it goes..   Hello humans!i'm currently at whitesands mac serving the net! I see many cocky ppl ard! I miss girlfren like fck! I was at granny's house earlier as the water at home is down! I went off to meet stefe and we were supposed to go meet mahmud but in the end we didnt due to the damn heavy rain.. We played tai ti under the void deck.. Bicker around then left the house! Looking for a job. Internet at home is down and that sucks! Ok done. Gonna do other things now! Ok go Labels: brenda ur mac pill at 1.48fm |
вяєη∂α σηg яι тzєє♥ lesson #1, dont ever judge a book by its cover. 
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