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And so it goes..
why did my mum suddenly tell me this kinda things?? i'm really afraid right now and i dare not face u anymore.. i thought everything was great.. and i really thought that god sent u to me.. but everything seems so wrong now.. why is it he/she reacting this way towards me.. which part am i not doing fine with... i think i gotta back off u for sometime.. i think we really need to do self reflection.. i am really freaking out... i really dunnoe who else to turn to anymore.. it seems like i'm starting to lose everything again.. everything that seemed so wonderful at one time has since been shattered.. why isit that i can't see who u really are up till this point of my life.. i'm backing off from so many things in life.. its serious shit man!! why isit that everyone are once again turning their backs on me?? what have i done wrong to be treated this way?? why do i always lose ppl i cherish the most?? why do people look down on me and give me the cold shoulder?? why can't i have so many frens like she does?? why can't i have frens like her's?? why can't i have frens who care for me like her's?? why can't i have frens who will always be there for me and stand up for me like her fren does?? why can't i have frens who support me like her fren does?? why can't i have many many yrs of counting frenship and still counting like she does?? why can't i have a guy who loves me like i do?? why is it that all these doesn't apply to me??? why can't i have a fren that doesn't wear a mask infront and behind of me?? why can't i have a fren that understands what i'm going through rite now.. am i such a pain in the ass?? am i such a unworthy fren to make?? can i not be trusted from the very start?? why must humans be so for themselves?? why isit that no one ever cherished me as a fren?? why can't people just be real?? why isit that even when making frens people need to know ur database?? why isit that no one ever cares bout my feelings?? why isit that no one ever bothers to respect me?? why isit that no one ever asked me how i was?? why isit that ppl must be so selfish?? why isit that ppl gotta be so cunning?? why do i always have to fake a smile infront of everyone just to let them know that i'm alright but actually i'm not at all?? why can't i show ppl how i feel?? why can't i express my feelings?? why does everyone thinks i'm emo just cos i turn to myself every now and than and do things i should not be doing?? why isit that ppl are crossing the line and crawling all over my head just cos i choose to keep quiet.. why does it always have to be me.. why is it that u didn't leave.. what made u stay all the way jus to realise u had nothing to do here.. i'm so very sorry to made u feel so left out.. i really didn't mean for it to happen but it happened in a way or another its called LIFE.. do i really have to show what i really am before everyone starts respecting me?? but if i do, ppl will think that i'm a unfriendly person and stuff.. i'm starting to return to square one.. i quit playing this game.. its difficult.. and its hurting me so badly to continue this game.. its hard to numb the whole game.. its hard to disappear from the scene.. the scene makes everything awfully bitter to accept.. i can't fast forward.. i just have to keep going on till i finish the game.. i can't end this game cos there's so many things waiting for me.. i still have to come back to reality after so much numb-ing i tried to add on my body... it nvr seems to work.. i've evaluated on how much a loser i am.. how much a dumb-fuck i am.. how much a pain i am.. i am no one's fren.. except for his fren, his lover, his girlfren and his daughter who has come so far to try everyday of her life to be a good fren, good daughter, good adviser, good listener to everyone who needs her.. and for now i jus wanna leave this heart breaking world for a few hrs+ another few hrs of overdosage before i come back to the cold, bleeding and heartless reality.. brenda's been shattered into screaming pieces.. much love once again.. brenda |
вяєη∂α σηg яι тzєє♥ lesson #1, dont ever judge a book by its cover. 
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