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And so it goes..
aights.. i am too lazy to blog lately.. but there's nothing much to blog cos life for me is not the same anymore.. i've got no one to talk to.. i've been out lately.. but i'll always be back before 12.. thats it so simple ritez... then another thing is i miss my darling sister alot.. i've been down to overdosing every night.. cos i still can't get to slp.. in my life there's alot of ALPHABETS missing.. and i dunno where to go looking for them anymore... i miss so many ppl.. but yet all i can do is watch them leave my side.. i can't do anything.. it really hurts.. still hanging on real tight to him.. thats so much for now i'll blog again some other dae.. aights.. chaos.. And so it goes.. aights i fell sick on the wed... went back home at about 10pm.. cos i felt that i was boiling... my whole body got damn hot.. then i went back rested under the blanket.. shut the door and everything with no fan or air con on.. i just lay there freezing when my whole body was hot.. then i continued to have fever everynight till todae.. and i've yet to go to the doctor.. well actually there's nothing much to say alr.. but i noe that if i wan it done then i gonna have to work on it.. so all the best.. hope i get well soon.. And so it goes.. alrites i was supposed to have spend my saturday with her.. then that bunch of ppl came and took her away so i was staying home the whole entire day.. then nvm.. sunday came and i slept till 3 in the afternoon.. after that i woke up, and got ready to meet her... then when she called, i was helping mummy to mop the floor.. then when she called me the 2nd time telling me she's reaching, i was washing the clothes for my mum.. then after we met, we walked to the place we wanted to go.. after that when we got there, issues happened and i shall not mention anyone.. after that we chilled there and went off to nas's block.. he is really so so cute.. hahahahahhas anyways after that came 11pm.. and so we left.. i went over and tonned.. after that i came home at 10.40.. shiok sia.. cos when i took the cab, the malay uncle told me a life story.. and it was so real.. and then he told me his wife just passed away.. then he said i even have the death cert here.. and i was like damn sry for him la.. anyways he told me lots of things.. and i forgot his taxi number..sharks.. if i'm not wrong its sh 6512G.. hahahahs not sure bt anyways he was great.. he asked me if i was from my boy's place then i asked him, uncle look at me u see i so fat u think i got boy?? then he said to me in malay.. in this world nothing is impossible.. hahahs anyways ytd something happened in my hse.. that loser brought that cb back.. cos he hum.. he scared to lose a gal like her.. anyways dun wanna carry on cos its making me damn dulan.. so yuppz chaos.. And so it goes.. i really didn't mean it but i just said it.. i noe after saying things like that its like u'll nvr get back ur words but i felt really bad.. it went like that.. B: hey can u pass me those keys for the letter box?? J: huh why shld i pass it to u wan also pass it to him cos its his.. B: no la i just wan the keys for the letterbox only not ur keys.. J: no..cannot... B: huh why its my hse keys wad.. then she took out the letterbox key and passed it to me.. then this morning we went out to 443.. then walk walk walk J: ni bian le..yi qian ni bu shi zhe yang de.. u will say our hse but ytd u said ur hse.. B: no i didn't mean it really.. J: no.... u change alr..maybe u get used to it alr.. B: no ma cos u that time u say its my hse ma so i say my hse lor.. then change topic.. then when i wanted to use the com in the room, gotta key in password... fucking dulan lor.. ccb this is really not ur hse wad put password for fuck??????? think wad the com ur's ar.. then after she left i went down to buy ciggie.. after that came back, ard 4 stef called then went out to central and meet her.. after that came back to my hse to slack.. slack slack slack, she felt down so she went back home at 8.30.. then mummy came back not long after that while i was using the com.. she said wah the whole hse smell so smokie.. then ask me if i smoked then i say i smoke for wad... then she said ok the best is not u... she bathe come out ask me wad i want to do nxt.. M: wad are u going to do nxt??wan stay at home everydae on the com liddat?? B: dunno.. M: i talking to u leh... B: ya i noe ar..but then i really dunno what i wan... M: i talk to u then u liddat ans ok nvm i ask him talk to u.. B: ya ok... and she was like damn fedup.. so i said back.. B: i really dunno what i wan in life anymore what u wan me to say... then i cried.. after that i stood up, went into the room after that she called and we chatted on the fone.. talk talk talk i say i go shower first then after that come out alr we talk talk talk all the way then we hung up the fone alr i went to cook noodle for myself... cook cook cook i also dunno what i cooking... after that, finished eating, washed up the dishes then went to smoke.. and now i'm blogging.. gonna play com games then turn in alr.. cos feel sleepy but cannot get to slp.. dunno what i thinking also.. mind keep working but actually i veri sleepy.. going to see doctor take sleeping pills soon yuppz so thats all for todaes entry.. blog again tmr or so.. chaoz.. And so it goes.. alrites i'll start from yesterday... i was at home slepping over my 8hours sleep.. cos my cough mixture that i downed took effect only the nxt day.. then my cousin came over to me hse and waked me up... and started scolding me to hurry up and get ready.. so i got up and when i got ready we left.. we went all the way to serangoon when the doctor is closed... shit it.. then i gotta go another dae.. so he sent me back before heading out.. stef came over to my place.. and we chilled all the way till 10++ den i went over to her hse with her.. and then came zann.. then came grace after sometime.. we chilled there and played com games.. laughters filed her place but she was down.. then the both sisters left first... i left her hse ard 12++.. and there was midnight charge alr.. shit it once again... then reached home, showered then played com games again.. went to bed soon after then texted my auntie she didn't reply.. called her but she didn't answer it as well.. suda la... then i stayed home doing house work.. hahahhas i vaccumed the floor and moped it too.. after which i washed the clothes, hanged it, changed bedsheet and washed them too.. hahahhas and now i'll be waiting to go out with joanne.. she'll be coming to ton at my place tonite.. my brother's coming back todae and my mum doesn't really want her here.. but rite now i cleared my doubts.. and he won't be back yet so i dun have to worry.. hahahhahahahahs so yuppz chaoz for now.. well.. another thing welcome back girl.. And so it goes.. its 3am in the morning but i just can't get to bed.. wonder why too.. so sitting by the window i smoked.. i can't help but just watch me burning my sorrows and pain away... shit just happens.. god knows why... i've not been in veri good spirits lately but i just dun wanna show it.. cos i just dun have the reason for it.. perhaps everything just happened too fast for me to even understand... i realised i smoke alot lately as well.. i just can't get an answer so i guess it helps to disstress... but i'm just lying to myself i noe.. cos it nvr did help abit at all.. i can't think of anything i can besides smoking my life away... and everytime i do it i feel veri guilty to my mum.. cos she brought me up but nvr thought i would do this.. i nvr wanted to disapoint her... she trusted me alot... god i really pray for things to change i guess right now i can't quit smoking so easily... dear god, little brenda really needs ur help and ur strength to carry on her every single day and breath.. pls help her lord cos u won't wanna see her suffer like this... sometimes thinking back, i really still miss u alot but there's nothing i can do.. u're found it.. so i'll be still out there looking for somone who cherishes me.. well till den shall be my nxt post.. chaos for now.. And so it goes.. and i did it all wrong again.. i woke up at 3.07pm and i lost someone who was staying in my house for the past few years she left by saying byebye.. she nvr hugged me.. i didn't tell her how i felt.. she just left.. she's nvr gonna return.. but i lied to myself.. my heart is hurting alot right now.. i'm lost for words.. i really wanted her to noe how much she meant to me.. its all my bad again.. right now i gonna shower and head over to my grandma's place.. i feel like crying but something strong is just stopping me from doing that.. i talked to him last night.. and i knew that he has found his happiness alr.. leaving for HK todae.. he told me he miss me.. he called me his dear for the last time.. i asked myself in my life wo you mei you hou hui guo.. i told myself wo mei you... then i search within and i found that wo mei you yi tian bu hou hui de.. i really with for things to return to how it used to be.. i wanted to tell u that u're the one that made me grow.. i wanted to make things right to everyone and everything.. but one work it is TOO LATE.. no matter how i change things will nvr be the same i just hope that we once sharded the most happy moments together.. i'm sry to have hurt u.. now, her name is forever planted in my brain.. i'll wish u all the best.. i hope u understand.. i'm sry.. And so it goes.. well its been so so long since i last blogged... i don't even noe whats happening to me anymore.. i used to blog everydae.. but things changed for me.. i'm no longer who i used to be i admit.. i even got myself to the worst of state.. i've broughtt myself all the way down.. to the bottom line.. i've nvr been like this.. nvr been so depressed.. things really changed.. now i no longer see any hope for myself.. now i've also learned that when u tell a lie, u need another lie to cover up for the first... maybe i've grown up.. maybe not.. i dun really understand myself anymore.. all i noe is infront of anyone, i needa stand strong and smile.. but deep down, i'm drowned in my very own blood , tears and smile.. looking real back, what have i done to make one smile??? i've broought so much pain into ppl's life.. i'm really sorry.. i really didn't mean for these things to happen at all.. but it just took place.. there's nothing left for me to do.. cough mixture has been placed next to me everynight i sleep.. smoking has also been a part of me.. i just wanna see u for the last time but i can't i really need a time machine.. when i think of u, i sink in my own tears.. god if u are for real why did u still bring so much sorrows into my life.. why do i not have the little perfect family since young.. everyone has a daddy but i don't.. i envy them... but i've only got my mummy acting as both mother and father.. every single day i see her getting more and more white hair.. and i see her being so stressed but go no one to turn too.. i hate to see her in this state.. god will i be that one u picked to lead all those sheeps??? only u noe my life ahead.. u noe what will happen next i don't.. someone help me.. and aku chinta tuhan... from the bottom of my heart.. will u be back into my life?? i just don't wanna make another mistake.. can u be my fren as well.. i don't wanna give up any of u... i keep thinking everyday and everynite of what have i done.. i start missing everything and everyone i once used to have.. i browsed through my phonebook but i couldn't find anyone to turn too.. then when i was in need, everyone died on me.. leaving me there to fend for myself.. pls return.. resting without peace.. brenda |
вяєη∂α σηg яι тzєє♥ lesson #1, dont ever judge a book by its cover. 
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