And so it goes..
i'm starting to feel the chill.. it seems like something is gonna happen soon... i'm aware that i'm in danger... i noe and i see it coming.. i ain't gonna make the 1st move cos its a terrible one.. i'd rather we play the game of chess and play with the dice.. u go 1st.. i dunno how to express this kinda feelings but i just sense it.. its stronger then i thought.. u're like my tears... they roll down my cheeks and after awhile it dries and its over... i understand how u feel... cos i tried my best to stay in ur shoes... but you shld also understand that i can take it no more.. its only the matter of time.. things will still have to happen cos its not a forever thing.. i'm super stressed and super screwed up.. i'm like so dead.. cos ur fren gotta huge gigantic____.. he told my fren... and guess wad.. he shout like no one was there.. and he asked me.. oh gosh i was like so humiliated... at that point of time i just wished someone who walked pass me had a gun and shot me dead.. the whole world knows about it now... and guess by mondae i'll be the 1st to die... that's like so kuku can.. i dunno how to put it down in words but guess i can hold on for not much longer.. cos its realli tiring to hang in there... having to crack my brain realli hurts... i just HATE this WORLD!!! would u be back soon enough to end all this pain i'm going through now??? when will u be back??? and oh ya daddy, its 7month now... and i guess after u left me for so long, i miss u... would u come visit me??? i forgot how u looked like but i i'll feature u as my super daddy... i just wanna tell u i love u!!! i haven't got any chance to tell u this at all.. i realli miss u.. daddy ur daughter miss u although when she was brought out to this world u were not there for her... and was not there to hear her 1st cry... she forgives u after so long... she is still trying to accept the fact that u didn't love her... but perhaps its just that u didn't noe how to love her.. she just wants u to noe where ever u are, she loves u and u'll stay in her heart forever.. i feel like letting go of all my feelings rite now cos i miss my daddy & i dun noe why.. i nvr knew how it feels like to celebrate fathers dae... when it comes to fathers dae, my feelings turn numb and i feel sour cos i see ppl telling their dad's happy father's dae and stuff liddat.. pls take me with u when u're back cos i'll still be waiting.. ILYC,G. And so it goes.. i'm afraid.. i'm afraid to face the truth.. wad if i no longer have those type of feelings towards that of a kind... wad if i grow towards liking the same kinda thing.. i cannot... but i yearn to be with the one i always wanna be with... i sleep each nite waiting for ur return.. i pray that u'll be back for me.. i wanna be with u... and no one else.. the whole entire world is lying to me.. i just need u by me... i dun need anyone bt u.. seriously.. i'll still be waiting for u.. deep down u're with me.. cos u noe i love u more then anything else.. u're everywhere.. i feel u when i'm down.. i noe u're there with me no matter wad happens... i just dun wanna think any longer.. i'm thankful i've got u.. i cant live without u.. and i dun wanna be the last to noe.. so when u're coming back for me let me noe... ILYG!!!! And so it goes.. i went out with him ytd and we went to catch a movie... we watched 881.. and it was great.. after the show we went back and he wanted to send me home but i didn't wan so we went split ways.. after i reached pasir ris, i went to my grandma's place den met up with liza and went back to white sands agn.. after that we walked back home and i met with my sister before walking back together... when we reached home, we waited for miss koh to get ready before heading down to joel korkor's chalet.. at the chalet we played loads of game.. we played the frog game, 7up, and loads of card games too.. den those who lost had to drink and so we were sporty.. after everything, they made me drink red wine.. l0l so the 3 of us drank the whole bottle of red wine.. 2 guys 1 ger for a bottle of red wine.. l0l after drinking, i had split headache and my tummy felt like it was burning... so after that i felt like vomitting.. i took a rest there and after that me and miss koh went back.. we reached home only this morning.. and i fell asleep on the sofa till 08 in the morning.. den i went to shower and went back to bed.. after that when i woke up, i got ready and met up with him to study.. but we didn't study at all.. we sat there talking and after that, we walked to central as his specs needed to be repaired... den from there he wanted to meet nana and frens to study at downtown.. so i sat at the bus-stop to wait with him... and after he met up with her, i went back home.. and i miss her alot... l0l then i asked him wad will happen if i were a les.. then he asked if i had a veri hard time choosing if i like a girl or a guy.. rite now alot of things are going through my mind.. i'm still confused.. but i dun really wanna think cos if u meant a break then so be it.. sry... And so it goes.. todae we had mass run after sch.. and out of 4 yrs, this yr was the 1st yr i went for the mass run.. so when we were dismissed, i left the sch with joey, kel and naresh.. then met up with john and panda.. then went up to look for alvin.. it was great fun cos i laughed alot.. then got a little emo here and there.. l0l but i got to learn naresh full name.. den we laughed it off about why naresh could walk so fast.. i saw mcron and aloy while walking out.. when we were at alvin's hse, they played game and we waited till 2 before we left.. then we walked to the bus-stop to catch bus 21.. while walking there, joey fell.. but when she fell, she was like sitting so she wasn't hurt thta badly i guess.. then while we were on the bus, my phone died on me.. and i went like super sad.. cos i had no phone to use fer the rest of the dae and i had to change a kuku phone while i bring my fone for repair asap.. reached there but i didn't run at all.. i got migrain.. so i sat there throughout everything.. todae was a long and tiring dae for me but nvr the least i'm still super happy.. cos i got to spend time with_____... den when we were leaving white sands, we found money and so he took the 7 bucks.. after which, we went to slack under blks.. then left cos everyone needed to go home.. reached home ard 8+.. and now that i'm done blogging, i need my beauty slp.. i'm feeling super sleepy alr.. so nites to all.. and brenda loves u peeps out there loads.. =P And so it goes.. hahaahahhahhahahhas okie dokies.. feeling super duper high todae.. had a realli good time in sch todae.. i stayed back and went to the rain forest lab... mr taufik is seriously loves.. he's a super good teacher.. he called me a maid that came from indonesia summore!!!!! he named me wati.. hahahahhahas then after that dunno wad he call me also.. i fergot le... it was a damit kuku name but its kinda cute at the same time.. hahahhas i sure will go find out the name.. hehehhess... i'm missing HIM now!!! i love my BJ!!!! i noe after saying all this, when someone read this, she will confirm start to di siao me de.. =P standard i sure noe.. l0lx... nvm just dun care... i'm like gonna be damn sad case alr.. cos i'm gonna lose all my freedom in another few hrs time.. And so it goes.. i've lost my way... and todae i got back my results for prelims and i realised how badly i did... my english is getting from bad to worse.. from A1 to B dunno wad.. i miss u and i realli do.. i cried as i went to the bball court this morning.. i didn't noe how it all started but i noe i could no longer hold it there.. something is still bothering me... and i wasn't feeling well todae as i got overdosed the dae before.. den during recess i realised i had fever.. and after sch i rushed through my port folio for science and went out to meet alvin for a talk before going off and back to sch to hand in the port folio.. after which joey came over to my hse.. and she slacked with me all the way till 5+ and i actually fell asleep.. then when i woke up, she wasn't ard.. den she actually texted me telling me she left 1st cos it was getting late alr... den i felt sth missing inside of me.. i felt bad... den once agn i felt like crying.. its like baby when they wake up and feeling lost, they start crying.. and now sitting infront of the com lies the word miss.. and i realli feel like taking cough mixture and down it all.. but i was not allowed too.. i really need help but all my darling can tell me is haiz i dunno.. i dun blame her cos she tried her best to be there for me.. i realli realli miss u.. why do u have to do this to me? do u noe how troubled i am?? but i dun wanna tell u cos i noe u're busy.. And so it goes.. baby came over to find me before he went out.. so we slacked somewhere opposite my block till 3+.. den sent him out to take bus.. went out with joey after that cos she had to get her things.. alrites i had a good time todae and i saw lizard there... hahahhahs.. omg.. and i left my hse at like 6.. cos i didn't noe wad to wear.. hahahhhas we were suppose to leave pasir ris at 5 but cos of me we left so late.. after which we went to esplanade to watch fireworks.. gosh it was beautiful... den called baby from there telling him i was lost... den we some sort like quarreled over the fone cos he said he went marina just to look for me.. so i went back there to look for him.. okies attitude was showned here and there... den joey tried to cool me down.. she's the one who didn't make me angry todae.. and i am realli grateful to have her there with me.. i'm seriously lost.. if only u could be so sweet enough to show me the way and hold my hand and walk through all this with me.. but it seems like u're throwing me aside to struggle on my own.. pls tell me wad u wan from me cos i realli dunno the ans.. only u noe the best.. i waited like an idiot ytd cos i realli believed that u will call but i realised that tv was more impt then me... wad can i say??? i'm seriously irritated alr.. do u care at all?? if u dun like just say la we can always stay as frens and if u need help i can still be there for u.. and i can always lend u money still.. gonna be real emo soon.. lost all my mood thanks to some ppl.. den after tt say wad reach home msg u... and so i did... and u nvr even bother to reply.. frens so impt then go ahead la.. can't be bothered anymore.. anyways shall log out alr... And so it goes.. wohoo.. was not late for sch todae... and after sch, i stayed back fer awhile.. and out of a good heart i loan my fren my pencil.. and when i asked him, he said it wasn't with him.. den the best part is that he still can tell me i have alot of pencils at home i lend u.. and say now i can't turn back the clock.. den still can ask me how can we find the pencil back.. omg.... super irritating sia.. that pencil is loves can.. i dun mind if ppl take my pen.. but not my pencil!!!! argh... and the thing is no matter how i look fer it i will nvr get it back cos there was a class that went in there fer lesson... anyways prelims in the hall was kinda alrite.. but i think from tmr onwards its gonna be stressful sitting in the hall.. omg.. the song WHEN YOU BELIEVE is great.. anyways i seriously dun understand why u like this kinda ppl lor geraldine... he lost ppl things also dunno how to say sry can... geraldine i pity u man!!! chaoz <33 brenda And so it goes.. 12 AUGUST 2007.. i woke up at 10 and slept for like only 04 to 05 hours.. i went to the temple to pay respect to my grandma as it was the 100th dae... den at the same time i paid respect to my dad.. after that i went over to my ma ma's house cos she needed to distribute the things that my ah ma left behind.. i took a jade.. and i liked it alot... after distributing the things, all of us went our seperate ways.. my sis went back home, my brother went out and as fer me, i went out with my mummy.. we went over to orchard to do my hair cos i felt that my hair was in great mess... den when i sat there, i felt so sleepy.. oh my gosh.. and lucky i had a quick nap while i was having a hair treatment.. but i opened my eyes from time to time cos i'm a really deep sleeper.. BINGO... got quite a number of things done todae.. and felt realli great... when i left far east, i saw ppl from you hua qiu shoot there shooting.. anyways i gotta slp soon cos she said before 10.. l0l anyways got things to do before slping so chaoz.. and all the best fer prelims ppl!!! fingers crossed!!! <3 brenda And so it goes.. i have been out till veri late lately... i went out with shermaine on the thursdae to TM as she wanted to get clothes.. i sent her home as it was late alr.. den her mum insisted that i stay over as she feels that it was too late fer me to go back alone.. but it wasn't late at all as the dae before i reached home at ard 12+.. den the nxt dae i left.. went down and was thinking of taking a cab home.. but those bloody drivers were blind.. they saw me and actually changed lane.. its like WTH man.. so i was too fed up and decided to walk back home as 03 359's passed.. and met up with them to study.. i had a great time.. and once agn i reached home late... the following dae i did the same thing i went out to study but this time i went over to her house as she wasn't allowed to go out.. he wanted to come over but couldn't so i felt super bad... den he msged me at 5+ but my fone was on silent so i replied an hour later.. den that was the last msg of the dae... well... i dun wanna crack my brain and think bout it... at ard 8+ my cousin called me to ask me over for pizza.. but i didn't go over... at ard 8.30 she send me to the back.. we sat there to talk for awhile before we went split ways... i called him but couldn't get through... i supposed he switched off his cellphone.. so when i reached home, soon after i went out agn..=P i went over to 444.. and i met aloy + mcron.. omg all i can conclude is that he is super cute... alritez.. i reached home at ard 03+ and shall sign off now.. <3 brenda And so it goes.. will i be ur reason??? are u my ans??? why do i just get the strong feeling that i am not ur ans??? i regretted.. i regretted making the move.. i feel like crying.. i feel so lost.. do u realli have those kinda special feelings floating in ur heart?? i dun have the ans to ur Qns... only u noe the best.. i'm sry fer making u make a choice so unprepared.. i've got a feeling u regretted.. i dunno why i seem to be crying on the inside of me.. if thats not the ans, u didn't have to say it was.. cos i ain't gonna be hurt that badly.. can ppl just be true?? she is seriously loves cos we went out together todae n she helped me alot.. she talked to me... and i'm sry for making u stay till so late with me.. sry if u got a tongue lashing when u got home.. i dun have the mood alr.. i'm feeling real down + lost.. and pls fer god sake dun say u're useless cos u helped me alot i swear!! i swear i love u.. =) u're my light my way and my angel.. tc ppl.. signing off.. brenda And so it goes.. picture spells a thousand words.. i'm down but got no one to turn too.. u told me the other time that u had those kinda feelings that were just special.. but to me i feel that u're just running away from sth.. tell me if u dun like me or dun have those kinda feelings.. dun have to be afraid of hurting me.. cos in the world that i've been living in fer the past 16 yrs, i've alr known truely and clearly that no one is gonna like me.. deep down only u have the ans and the key to the lock.. go think over wad i said... i'll like an ans too.. i wish to give u an ans but after the past few days, it realli keeps me wondering if i'm that important person to u... u're seriously loves too... do take care & till den may i have an ans from u too.. <3> And so it goes.. k i'm finally back home after so many days.. wohoo!!! i can conclude that I LOVE MY HOME!!!~ i missed my home so much.. gosh.. and during the stay at my granny's place i've learnt alot and i've yet to realise that alot of things happened over the past few years.. everydae my grandma's getting weaker.. i'm afraid that the worst might come.. everything in my life changed as well... i've learnt to let things go and take things in its way.. although i'm still rather lost and confused.. fer now i just dun feel like staying home and i realli wanna get out of home 1st... i went to my mum's office fer family dae but by the time we went there almost everything was over.. and after which my cousin came to fetch us.. he went to fetch his mummy and we went to eat then came home.. ok and i'm about to leave home.. i'll blog real soon.. |
![]() вяєη∂α σηg яι тzєє♥ lesson #1, dont ever judge a book by its cover. ![]() ηυяѕуαιяαн αzмαη♥ Brina!♥ Eerah!♥ Iqah!♥ Jellybean!♥ Joanne!♥ Lisa!♥ OE blog Sharon!♥ Fiona Nadia♥ Naim♥ January 2007 February 2007 March 2007 April 2007 May 2007 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 December 2007 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 November 2009 December 2009 January 2010 February 2010 March 2010 April 2010 May 2010 June 2010 July 2010 August 2010 September 2010 |