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And so it goes..
Went to the vet... brought my dog to the vet in the morning... got my cousin to accompany me there... so i went to her sch to pick her up before heading down to serangoon... when i was in the cab, i recalled the times where my brother gf needed to go the the doctor, u went along with us and from there, in the nite, i had a last minute chalet and u were there with me and for fer me.... i drank and vomitted... u were also there fer me... u comforted me... i got hungover the dae after and u were there too.. Flashbacks... i noe i'm hurt so badly rite now..... only i can feel the pain... dun u feel a pinch at all??? i'm seriously having flashbacks.... help... flashbacks are painful.... i talked to him and told him i was having painful flashbacks.. and he told me time heals all wounds.... i agree with him but i told him there will be a scar attached to it ferever no matter wad.. and so he agreed with me too.... whenever i see those pictures we snapped together, i would think bout the happy moments we shared together... and i'll stare at the pictures and start to cry... i seriously rmb that i told u i nvr wanna fall out with u... bt why are u making this happen now??? it isn't my wish come true at all... is it yours???? perhaps and perhaps not.... i'm not u so i dun noe wad u're thinking or wad's going through ur head now... maybe u ain't thinking at all... but when i can't slp i dun noe why our friendship will float to the top of my head.... and i'll start to think bout what went wrong between the both of us and stuff... i'm bleeding deep down in me... do u see it?? well i guess u don't... i tried my best to make myself as tired as i can be... so i dun think... but i can't help it.. at times while i was trying to make myself busy, there were lots of times when i recalled having u in the picture... like when i settle my books down and study, i recall the times when we hang out after sch to study.... when i stayed home, i recall times when we were getting ready and out of the hse we go... when i walk alone, i rmb times when i was late and told u to go ahead 1st but u stood there waiting fer me... i just wanna rmb all the happy moments... Getting hurt over and over again... i'm once again getting hurt by all those idiots.... but each time i'm being hurt, i just dun learn my lesson... i'll go back to square one... if u say u dun mind, i can tell... so stop the rubbish.... no matter how they hurt me, i'll nvr be les cos wadeva i have they have too... and does not mean if i'm a les i dun get hurt.... its the same.... the moment i fall fer a guy, i'll noe my own ending.... thing is when i dun like the guy, he'll say that he'll wait fer me no matter wad but when i fell fer him, its all over.... wad kinda life am i leading??? i told myself countless times... no matter wad goes wrong hold it there stay strong... but i can't help but falling into their traps... its jus so loving... but its all just a fairy tale... it was nvr true.. and till now i still haven't woke up... when will the time come when one will be true to me?? when will the day come when i love him and he love me too? when will the dae come when i will nvr fall out with anyone??? when will my life change??????? when will things start to change and happen?? when will it take effect? after i die??? why must i suffer??? why have i gotta be put through this pain????? why are things getting worse?????? why do i get hurt over and over again?? why can't u just end my pain?????? so i have to take my 1st move to get closer to heaven??? how do u want me to end it?? taking pills???? getting knocked down??? jump down?? get shot down???? i tried pills, but each time this happens, i only got overdosed.... when i wanna walk all the way to the highest floor, i'll start to think if i do it and dun die, i gonna get locked up behide bars... but if i make it, my mum will be in pain.... athough she'll be the only one to grave over my death... like my teacher said... they will be sad bt it'll be a matter of time when they move on and no longer grave over u... but only have u in their hearts thats all... there isn't alot of things i can't let go... but i'll nvr say i dun have cos the 1st thing i can't let go of is my baby girl twinkle... she's the one i took care of since young... the other one is my mum... they're the two things i can't let go........ i'm in pain bt i try my best to put up a strong front like nth ever happened.... but i can't take it anymore... i broke down over and over again... i realli have no idea when will sunshine be back... and when will my rainbow be back... and when my colours will be back... pls love me fer who i am... i murdered my toys mummy.... and i'm feeling blood thirsty.... catch me if u can.... LEAVE ME ALONE FER NOW!!!! once i lost myself, i got 2 choices.. find the peron i used to be or lose that peron completely... thing is we dun need to know each other to love each other... |
вяєη∂α σηg яι тzєє♥ lesson #1, dont ever judge a book by its cover. 
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