i'll keep fireflies in a jar.

i'm sick again...i nvr used to be like tt..in the past i can hardly fall sick bt now its like i jus got well and there i go again SICK...haiz...i accidently overdosed myself again...i didn't do it on purpose.....i've got wad i wanted and i ain't gonna let it go...i'm sry if i made u sad bout it bt u left me with no choice..so dun blame me.....its ok if u nvr ever wanna talk to me cos i realli dun give a damn at all oreadi..i trusted u so much bt in the end i saw who u truely were.....I'M SRY BT I WAS LEFT WITH NO CHOICE BT RESULT TO THIS...I REALLI DIN'T MEAN FER THIS TO HAPPEN....U WERE THE 1 WHO STARTED BEING SELFISH AND STUPID 1ST..

i was feeling angry when u were trying to hide from me bt then the moment u knock on the door i felt nothing...u asked me if u could nt change...to me i think since u say liddat le then wad u wan me to do..i'm sry if i actually said to u tt at 1st i wanted to get the same as u bt u ask me take another type then if i didn't like it u would change with me...i was about to step out of the room after crying to accept tt i gotta take something which i didn't like at all from the beginning.....bt then the moment i took the phone out i was shocked...it was actually the 1 tt i wanted..why did u change even after asking me if u could dun change????why why why??i noe u are nt happy bout it.............i dunno if i should give back i realli dunno..........i wanna keep it cos its something tt i realli like alot and i dun wanna let go bt then if i dun let go i got a strong feeling tt something bad might happen..........i dunno!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!I REALLI DUNNO WAD THIS WORLD WAN FROM ME I'M REALLI TIRED CAN I STOP BREATHING??TAKE MY BREATH AWAY...ITS FINe WITH ME......GO AHEAD..I WANNA GO ALL THE WAY UP THERE...I'VE HAD ENOUGH....DOWN HERE I HAVE NTH...I'M A FAILURE IN EVERYTHING..I DUN EVEN HAVE MY OWN STAND..I'M A LOSER??I NEEDA DIE SO TT I NO LONGER HAVE TO FACE ALL THIS FUCKING SHIT!!!!!!!TAKE ME WITH U??PLS....I BEG U..I'M FUCKING CONFUSED NW

if u dun wan then jus say la why are u trying to hide away from me??guilty????asked me nt to take the same as u and said tt u would change with me if i didn't like the color u picked fer me..i'm nt an idiot..tell me u DUN wanna change...its ok...i've finally seen the true u..to think i trusted u all this while....u realli dissapoint me...bt its ok cos i gonna keep to my words i nt gonna trust anyone from todae..u said leave it there and u would change bt it has been lying there from ytd nite and u're trying to pretend like nth ever happened...U ARE SUCH A LIAR AND LAMER LA...I GONNA LIKE LOOK DOWN ON U LOR...WE HAVE NTH TO TALK TO EACH OTHER ANYMORE..COS U'RE JUS JEALOUS TT I HAVE THE SAME THING AS U........

at times when u all see me u all might think why i take things so lightly...bt i'm i'm nt its nt even happi go lucky......i look strong on the outside of me bt deep down inside me i'm seriously bleeding.....its jus tt u all dun see me bleed and dun see my pain..it doesn't mean its nt there.....look into my eyes u guys simply see nothing bt behind those eyes its full of tears..........i'm crying bt u all only see it as i'm happy...i eat pills to help me escape from reality fer a few seconds...at least in my dreamland everything is genuine and no one there wear masks...i smoke at times too bt i smoke to numb my pain...soon after the numb will be gone cos it has no kick anymore...bt the last thing i will bump into is drugs....after sometime smoking no longer helps....hw i wish god will take me back into his world...i'm a simple girl who trust ppl too easily and my mum always say tt i have a veri soft heart..i always get betrayed in friendship and always get hurt......ppl may think its nth bt it realli hurts..its like a needle pierced into ur heart....bt i held on cos the last thing i wan ppl to see is tears rolling down my cheeks...

hate my life at times..realli hate it..can't i find some ppl who is ever true to me why muz u all wear a mask???are there any ppl out there who is genuine???is it wrong to have the same thing??stop being childish as to think tt u are the only 1 who can have tt thing...i was firm as to wad i wanted bt i still lost at ur hands......i have always trusted u alot thinking u are the best among all bt look wad u have done to me...u actually spoiled our relationship we built..i'll see the true u tonite i swear....i hope u dun disappoint me..i have got a strong feeling on the inside of me tt u're wicked...and tt u're a 2 faced person...dun let my feelings be correct prove me wrong....if my feelings are rite then u realli destroyed our relationship and from u onwards i'm nvr gonna trust anyone again cos i gave u my trust....T_T...i'm not in the mood dun bother me!!!dun disturb me...everything will end tonite if i see tt u're actually nt the real u and tt u're onli wearing a mask and tt u are jus plain childish as nt wanting me to get the same thing as u...i'm breaking down i can't take it anymore..its full of crap....why muz ppl wear mask????why why why why why???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????i'm gonna cry soon!!!!!!!!!!!

we were the ppl who got selected to go Land Transport Authorities(LTA)...at 1st i didn't wanna go i thought its gonna be damn boring..bt i had loads of fun there..

they are my bestest best fren...bt i dunno wad happen now..bt we're still frenz..rong going overseas le..gonna miss her..from left (rong rong,brenda(me),stef and zann)..we took this in 2006...keke

i haven't updated my blog fer like so damn long oreadi...i'm kinda busy??hahas i also dunno...why are people so nice to me??ppl ard me are being so sweet to me...i'm afraid...haiz i gonna be super busy preparing fer my N levels..its coming soon..my form teacher say's we're nt ready..4TD is not ready to sit fer N levels..we are slacking far too much..keke..bt having loads of test this daes..sian.............

i'm beginning to feel the stress bt i can't take the pressure sia!!!i gonna break down soon.........i get nagged at fer nothing at home bt i jus shut my gap..i dun wanna fight with my mum anymore..i've had enough of the damit cold war!!!!bt each time i try to prevent quarrel's she'll sure go look fer something to pick on me....me me me why me??????haizz dunno la.....i suddenly feel like quitting school bt i gotta hold in there cos if i let go now i gonna fall real hard...saded..no longer have the mood i used to have..i dun have mood to study bt i gotta push myself...tts like a no choice thingy...and if i dun do well in my prelim i gotta go back to school every single dae in june...tts so sick......and if i dun get better after the june holidaes i gotta be thrown aside..it means i no longer have a choice and i cannot even stay if i wan to...i dunno i'm damit messed up right now!!!!!HELP!!!!!!!!!!GOD U THERE????U GONNA GIVE ME A HELPING HAND????

Todae after school it was raining and my korkor gf was so sweet cos she came to fetch me from 443..hahas.........when we met we were laughing like dunno wad lor...todae i realli sot sia...hahas anyway i didn't go home straight after school..i went kai kai with my korkor gf..hahs we both send my friend(joey) home then walked to white sands...hahas we go white sand awhile le then go home..i reached home at ard 5 lor hahas...and i seriously am missing oreadi......

yesterdae came and yesterdae go bt yesterdae came and was a moment tt i'll nvr ferget...he's reali an angel from god..he was so sweet cos he came back from church feeling sleepy bt still called me..we talked fer awhile and he said he wanted to bath and go slp cos he's veri tired...so we hung up the phone and after like half-an-hour he msged me..i was surprised..he actually explained everything to me..he said this few daes he ain't free..and he's not leaving me (iwonder hw he noes)...and he actually felt the same as me cos i also felt tt our gap were getting bigger..and he seriously touched me...he told me tt he'll mend it!!!omg...i noe tt thing doesn't clap with 1 hand..it takes 2 to clap..he said tt he'll try to spend time with me bt he has his church and studies commitment..i'll understand..aaron i'm sry realli realli sry...i'm sry fer nt understanding ur situation...bt i gotta tell u i'm realli sry and I LOVE U!!!

i got a strong feeling tt things are nt as easy as i thought they were...u may say tt u're no longer mad at me bt it jus doesn't feel right..why does my story always end when i've started to fall into the nice beginning???is this my llife??izzit gonna be ferever??why do this to me??i seriously hate this shit!!!i dun care i really love him loads bt if he wans to let go i promise nt to stop him..i'll cry bt i'll hide my tears from him...i will feel sad when he wans to let go bt i'll hold myself..i always have to end up drenched in my pain again and again..i dunno why life is liddat fer me bt i guess when the time comes fer me to understand i'll understand..fer now i swear i really miss him lots....hell yeah i realli miss him..

todae i was caught in the rain again bt this time nt too bad cos i got my fren's DNT file and i got my fren with me too..she was like so sweet cos her mum bought her food at home oreadi bt then she called home and told her mum tt its raining and i dun have a umbrella so she's gonna keep me company..so sweet ritez???l0l...bt then todae i come back from school le i was so bored so i did my search N circle....the book veri nice to do lei bt gonna finish le then i gonna buy again..hahas i'm sick??no i'm jus training myself..i'm missin tt boi boi again..he sprained his leg lor..my heart so pain pain cos he in pain..haiz all i pray fer is tt he's gonna be fine..i'm seriously missing him lor..without him i feel tt i'm missing something ard me..he's the reaon i live l0l..kidding..if he hears tt he's gonna kill me!!keke

aftre i update my blog i wan go take a nappy nap nap le..hahas todae i am happy bt i'm missing tt little baby boi of mine..i miss him loads..he's always busy at school..he's the 1 who motivated me to study he made me learn to love school...he's also a veri devoted to god kinda kid bt i find he damn cute..i miss him i miss him....argh i miss him so much till i gonna go crazy..i'm happy todae lor cos i saw rainbow at school todae..summore in the morning when it was drizzling lor..then summore my sweetie told me tt he will be my sunlight summore..its like i got colors in my life nw and he is my sunlight..tts like omg rite i got both colors and sunlight sia!!!l0lz..omg when he's with me even if i'm sad i've become happy..when he's ard everything's so different!!he's mine!!!NEVER FER SALE!!!!L0L KIDDING COS HE'S PRICELESS AND HE'S MY GIFT FROM GOD!!!I LOVE HIM LOADS...HE SAID WE SHARE THE SAME FEELINGS COS WHEN I'M SAD HE'S SAD..BT WHEN I'M HAPPY HE'S HAPPY TOO!!!KEKE AND I AGREE SIA!!!

we took loads of pics ytd..he damn nice lor come pei me i lazy to load the pics other dae then load..

i dunno why when it rains i would feel super sad!!!there's something i dun understand as well..i dun understnad why u ppl will turn so cold towards me..wad really happen tt u ppl shun away from me u guys suddenly turn so cold so cold tt i feel so afraid to open up to u ppl..i dunno hw to even communicate with u ppl..after recess todae i left without the group..i left nt bcoz i was angry bt bcos i felt left out i felt tt i stand no status anymore..when i walked away tears almost rolled down my cheeks bt i held them cos there were loads of ppl ard me..i feel so bitter on the inside of me bt no 1 seems to understand me and understand wad i really wan..am i asking fer alot???wad did i do to deserve all this shit???anyway i was drenched todae cos of the damning rain..despite the rain i walked slowly...l0lz!!anyway i pray hard nt to fall sick..i wanna go to school fer a special reason i wanna study and i got a deal with some1 to do well.dunno wad i did bt i feel damn sad..i dun have mood todae..i dunno why

todae's the 4th dae of school...and i started having PE lessons oreadi...tmr i got PE again!!todae's PE was allowing my teacher to remember our names and had running outside the school!!!and i realise i found a veri nice and sweet fren!!!she was so sweet la cos i run till wanna die le she come and save me lor she actually ask me to slow down...she could have ran and left me at the back alone bt she came from infront all the way to the back and accompany me she's so nice!!!!geraldine i love u man!!!!bt then the thing is we were nt tt close at all bt she was so nice to me!!!last time i still always make fun of her and we ended up in the principals office cos we hurt her by the words we used on her!!we all called her the nerd of the class!!bt i simply love her!!!l0lz!den got 2 gers damit irritating they dun wan to be the last 2 then when we run they both run infront of us and keep turning back to check if we're somewhere near them!!!then i started to scold valgarities at them!!l0lz

shit it la my mum is so damit irritating!!!i gonna go crazy soon...she is makin me wanna die earlier...i wanna move out..the more she does this to me the worse i'll be..go ahead try me lor...i damit cannot stand her rubbish anymore..she's such a sadist and a pervert...i wanna move over to my granny's place after all they still got a room which is empty..i can make do with it..if they allow i really dun mind moving over...okies..i've set my mind i'll settle everything ASAP!!!i'll look for my auntie and ask them if i can stay at their place fer awhile...and see wad my next move will be from there..i'll pray hard that they'll take me in....i'm such a doggie la gotta go to ppl and ask them to take me in bt i dun have a choice??i gonna go crazy anytime if i stay on..ARGH I WANNA CRY OREADI I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!!!!!SHE'S DRIVING ME UP THE WALL!!

i'm down but no one's there fer me..its 2007 and its a new start fer me but everything is still the same i still spend most of my time at home but i'm lucky cos i got my bro's gf with me..she my sistar manz..she's so sweet we click really well..we spend most of our time together..bt of cos she got her own pals t0o..my other best fren is my dog she's so cute..she's always there fer me whether i'm happy or sad she will sure be there...i love her loads!!

she so cute right!! she's my little sister!

todae i did something..finally i'm doing something..my cousins came over to my house fer awhile and i discussed things over with my auntie..i'll be going out with my auntie tmr..okies my blog is boring!!i dunno wad to write but i'm bored so i'm writing rubbish.. =)

feeling damn sad lor cos i out of a sudden no mood...bt i got my aiai to pei me lucky sia..haiz bt i still damn no mood..todae is such a let down but i dunno why..FEEL DAMN SAD!!!

i started off todae in peace!!i was happy todae nt till at nite when my mum came home from work...she somehow gotta provoke me fer no fucking reason..she's super duper unreasonable...can't stand her she's always nagging and making me irritated!!!argh i can't stand her nonsense anymore!!!!!!!!!HATE THIS SHIT!!!

i had a dream a simple dream..all i wanted was a simple life??i jus wanted u ppl by my side bt u all ran away??i feel sad bt i am trying my best to keep my emotions rite..i feel really bitter on the inside of me bt i had no choice bt to keep it to myself and i...i have no 1 by me i have no life no friends and no 1 who really care bout me...i live in a world of competition a world tt says everyone fer their own!!no 1 will help u when u fall real hard..they're still running and finding their own..no 1 will help when u cry out for help they'll jus look at u and walk off...its all bout me and myself..

its the 2nd dae in school..everything went fine bt things are all in a rush now..i dunno why bt i seem to have a goal now..my goal is to try my hardest to do well in N lvls..thats the 1st thing on my mind..then i wanna put all our probs and conflicts under a carpet i dun have time to care??no i can't be bothered??no i dunno...wad the hell i suffered all the way bt have no answer to wad i really wanna do with our conflicts..nvm bt for now i quit maple oreadi i cannot play??i have no more time to waste??yea tts the answer i jus wanna study and concentrate in school!!!=)wanna turn myself into a nerd??a book worm perhaps!!!hahahahahahas

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